yes
August 24, 2009
Sometimes, I wish I could tell the boy sitting beside me that he smells wonderful, and that I would say yes to his smell. too bad, it’s creepy. i was a little creeped out when the salesboy told me he liked the pendent b/w my breasts and was wondering where i got it from. he wanted to get it for his girlfriend. next time, i may to turn to him, tell him, I like how you smell, what is it? where did you get it from? i want to buy it for my boyfriend.
“What Do Women Want?”
August 21, 2009
I want a red dress. I want it flimsy and cheap, I want it too tight, I want to wear it until someone tears it off me. I want it sleeveless and backless, this dress, so no one has to guess what's underneath. I want to walk down the street past Thrifty's and the hardware store with all those keys glittering in the window, past Mr. and Mrs. Wong selling day-old donuts in their café, past the Guerra brothers slinging pigs from the truck and onto the dolly, hoisting the slick snouts over their shoulders. I want to walk like I'm the only woman on earth and I can have my pick. I want that red dress bad. I want it to confirm your worst fears about me, to show you how little I care about you or anything except what I want. When I find it, I'll pull that garment from its hanger like I'm choosing a body to carry me into this world, through the birth-cries and the love-cries too, and I'll wear it like bones, like skin, it'll be the goddamned dress they bury me in.
-Kim Addonizio

I lost you.
August 20, 2009
I was going thru my notes today and found this note – no date, but it most likely belongs to summer 2008. Here is what it said:
If four years ago you entered my life, you officially walked into it a few hours ago. I woke up with a part of you inside me. How thankful. How regretful. For those moments.
Every year, this time the mute heart craves for you. For your long overdue haircut, your unshaved face, your awkward posture, andthe shy smile that comes thru every word.
The truth is, I just miss feeling you. Thinking of you. Having you.
You won’t be coming to me. But the moments we shared are reserved. Good times.
Best wishes, my silent lost boy.
I am a bitch.
August 19, 2009
We run
We wait
Light in our faces
We love
We yell
We hurt
Kick in our stomachs
I am a bitch.
A mega bitch.
I used to think it was just my critical thinking
But now,
Today,
I misrepresent
As if I am a lion freed from a life long cage
No limitations
No strings attached
I need brarriers
Hold me back
No more shame. please.
No more regrets.
Sick of it.
Keep me quiet.
Make me the woman without opinion.
Or at least,
Take away my need to express
that damn opinion
People say, knowlegde is good.
I say, knowledge bites
causes suffering
frustrates.
I am exhaustedd of the anger
Give me fear
Put me in chains
Or at least let me be Dorian Gray.
Sin, but don’t reveal
Hurt
Yell
But all in silence
Just between you and me.
That’s my request
I’d hate it if it’s that same as yours.
See,
Told you
I am a bitch
a megabitch.
ring or no ring?
July 19, 2009
I have to say that even though I have a really nice-looking ring finger, and rings tend to looks really nice on that particular finger, my ring finger is my least favourite body part. why? b/c it’s always a statement! whether you are wearing a ring or not. doesn’t matter. wearing a ring, married? engaged? hooked up? not wearing a ring? single? divorced? argh! I just hate how this finger always has to make a statement. Frankly, I don’t know what to do with it. I’m not entirely sure if I want a wedding ring even if I’m married, and let’s say I’m married and have a ring, why should every random person on the street know that I’m married? isn’t it creepy?
maybe I should chop it off.
no.
kidding.
horrible, horrible, horrible, bad, bad, bad idea!
marriage? no!
July 19, 2009
Seems like everyone’s getting married. and i wonder, is there something wrong that I’m not getting married? or that I’m not even thinking about it? Or that I can’t even imagine myself in a white dress? Marriage seems so far to me. Weddings don’t even exist in my mind. Yes, at some point in my life, I want to make the decision to be someone. But not yet. The thing is, in all honesty, I think marriage is too risky when you’re young. I mean how do you know that the person you have only known for a minimal percentage of your lifetime is going to be the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with? you simply have minimal knowledge about yourself and that person. The only thing that makes me think that marriage should happen at a relatively young age is that I don’t think having a large age difference with your children is a great idea. Children need young and enthusiastic parents. The other problem is that as women age, reproduction also gets more difficult. Damn nature! But of course you can overcome this problem by adopting. But what if the woman really wants to experience pregancy and child birth?
too many thoughts. marriage is too risky. that’s my conclusion. and, well, i am still young.
Mike check
July 17, 2009
I relate so much with this poem, that it almost made me shiver at the end. There is so much I share with Suheir as woman of visible minority.
Here it is:
Dreams
June 23, 2009

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
-Langston Hughes
The Hardest Part
June 21, 2009

I just came from the Coldplay concert in Vancouver. I had an amazing time. The show was beautiful. Coldplay is such a nice bad. They came amongst the audience in the back, and performed there for part of the concert. They also gave everyone a free CD, nice, eh?
Anyways, one of the songs that they performed tonight was The Hardest Part. I had forgotten about this song, and listening to the lyrics at the concert I realized how much it relates to how I feel today. I want to share the lyrics with everyone. Here we go:
And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
Was the hardest part
And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start
I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining in the clouds
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out
And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing
But I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part
I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You’re a silver lining the clouds
Oh, and I
Oh, and I
I wonder what it’s all about [x2]
Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do it just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and thats the hardest part
That’s the hardest part
Yeah, thats the hardest part
That’s the hardest part
the thing between your legs
June 16, 2009
You touched me
I touched you
I didn’t want to
your ungracious hands
they touched me
all over me
almost at my breasts
my back
my whole body
and then you forced me
between your legs
and there I was
confused
still between your legs
repeating the movement
1, 2
1,2
and then I felt it
the thing between your legs
a patch of skin on my right thigh still feels your penis
and I hate it
and I rub it
and rub it again
it won’t go away
the skin has memorized the touch of your penis
and it won’t wash away
i want to wash it
to clean it
to remove everything that has to do with you
from me
leave me
leave everyone like me
and don’t touch me
again
and don’t make me
touch you
because i don’t want to
that patch of skin on my right thigh has a memory
-Oshinsr